While the thought of a youth pastor making regrettable decisions may not surprise you, this particular individual wasn’t talking about overnight lock-ins and Fear Factor food challenges done on moving buses.

No, what only occurred to him post-exodus was that he didn’t actually need to please everyone’s expectations. He didn’t need to say “yes” to everyone else’s ideas of what the church’s youth ministry should be doing. So much of his time and energy was spent on pleasing other’s expectations instead of focusing on the few things most likely to make a lasting difference.

If you’ve been leading a ministry for any amount of time, you’ve felt this need to clarify expectations as well.

• You have been pitched countless ideas for projects and initiatives that you should start (with no help offered by the person suggesting it, of course)
• You’ve been reminded many times of what the church used to do (and you should re-boot)
• You’ve certainly been made aware of what “that other church” in town is doing.

How do you find clarity and focus in the midst of all the incoming voices?  Whose expectations do you meet when there are hundreds, even thousands, of people donating towards your salary? Here are 3 questions that I asked myself which helped move me out of the fog of people-pleasing and into the freedom that comes when you clarify expectations:

1. Who is my boss?

Everybody?

Many church leaders have a hard time knowing how to prioritize their time simply because they don’t know how to answer this question with any sort of confidence.

Every person who’s thrown a Toonie in the offering basket even one time (little Canadian reference for you there), thinks they’re your boss. And the more they give, the more right they believe they have to influence your decisions.

Thankfully, unlike corporations that have shareholders to please, the church does not exist primarily for the benefit of its members. Around our office, we like to remind each other of this by paraphrasing a line from 7 Practices of Effective Ministry:

“Are you worried about who you’re trying to keep or who you’re trying to reach?” – Andy Stanley

Jesus?

In contrast to this shareholder mentality, Paul clearly tells the Colossians that Christ is the head of the church (1:18).  This is true and Jesus is certainly the first person we are trying to please. Yet, for me to go around saying, “Jesus is my boss, so I’m just going to do whatever I feel like he’s telling me to do,” doesn’t seem like quite the right way of going about things, does it?

While this sounds very spiritual, I have not found it to be a helpful framework to narrow down my responsibilities as much as I need to.  Jesus gives us our overall mission, but he’s unlikely to clarify expectations around how often your ministry needs to be posting on social media. We need a system that is less subjective and provides a tangible accountability system

It Depends

Without going into a much longer explanation of church governance (you’re welcome), the short answer comes down to the type of organizational structure your church has chosen to adopt.  Whether or not it’s right or wrong, it’s the ocean you happen to be in, so you either learn how to swim or get out of the water.

In some settings, your boss may be one person – the Lead Pastor – while in others it may be a defined group of people, such as a board or ruling elders.  If you are in a setting that insists that “the priesthood of all believers” means every person has equal say on how you lead, my polite suggestion would be to run for the hills.

Once you know and understand which structure you’re operating in, you will have the answer to a very important question: “Where does my authority flow from?” 

In my context, my authority flows from a leadership board, elected by the members, which then transfers authority to the Lead Pastor, who in turn empowers me to carry out my role in Family Ministries.

At the end of the day, these are the expectations that I need to meet: the board’s and the Lead Pastor’s.  This doesn’t make it any more fun when someone feels they need to remind you that they help pay your salary (you know it’s just that guy who threw in a Toonie, anyway), but at least you have a structure to help with the prioritization of those comments.

2. What are they paying me to do?

Now that you know whose expectations you need to meet, it would be a good idea to identify what those expectations are.  Don’t assume you know, even if you’ve been there for a number of years, or that they will be laid out clearly for you; you’ll need to do some digging.  A few places to start include:

• Job description.  This may seem obvious, but it is shocking how many church leaders I’ve talked to who don’t have a clear, and updated, job description.  This won’t include all your duties, and certainly won’t spell out all the expectations for your role, but you’ll at least know the main areas of responsibility that are yours.
• Your co-workers.  What moments are celebrated the most?  What stories are shared as wins?  What needs to happen to create tension? How would they articulate the unwritten expectations of the team?
• Ask directly.  Be prepared to ask some intentional questions of your supervisor and find out what the hidden expectations are; what are they secretly hoping you accomplish that they have never explicitly communicated to you?  I know, your particular lead pastor is perfect and would never have hidden expectations of you, but why don’t you go ahead and ask him anyway?

Now, when Dick and Jane come back from visiting a different church one weekend and present to you a great new idea that they think you should initiate, you can confidently, and politely, say,

“That’s a great idea!  I love it that this other church is moving in that direction.  Let me share with you the exciting direction that we are moving in.  Also, I heard that other church worships idols, so you probably don’t want to go back there.” 

Ok, skip the last line, but you get the idea.