The internet is hard on parents.

Previous generations might have worried about what the neighbours or in-laws might think but we have the whole world giving us tips on how to parent (thanks Pinterest). If you’re ever feeling like you’re a pretty good parent, just go spend some time on the internet and you’ll quickly discover all the things you’re not doing but really should be doing (“5 Reasons you Need to be Doing Partner Yoga with Your Toddler Today!”).

I was unprepared for parenting in a lot of ways, but I’ve been particularly caught off guard by this intense fear of inadequacy or incompetency that can arise when trying to raise children.  Am I doing this right? Do I need to do for my kids what I see other parents doing for theirs?  Does everybody need to approve of my parenting style?

Parenting Guilt

As it turns out, I’m not alone. Parenting guilt is alive and well for many of us.  It rears its head every time our child comes home from school sad because their friend has a cooler toy than them or you get accused of “never bringing them anywhere” because all their classmates have already been to Disney World 3 times.

What if we could be free of this guilt and give ourselves permission to parent in our own unique and loving way? What if we could embrace our authority as parents and say “no” to so many of the good things our kids could be involved in so that we have the time and energy to say “yes” to the things that really matter?

What if we would give this permission to other parents around us and not expect them to raise their children like we do?

I want to give you that permission today.

• Maybe your family doesn’t go on vacations every year or go camping on the weekends.
• Maybe your kid’s birthday parties are pretty mediocre.
• Maybe you let your kid play in the dirt or maybe you don’t.
• Maybe your kid doesn’t wear name-brand clothes or have a fashionable haircut.
• Maybe you homeschool your kids or maybe you send them to public school.
• Maybe you’re not going to be able to pay for their college education.
• Maybe you went back to work after the kids were born and bring them to daycare every day.
• Maybe you chose to stay home with them, even though the single income means you have to say no to many things they ask for.
• Maybe you have only a small collection of toys at home.
• Maybe you buy your kid way too many toys because you have the love language of gift-giving.
• Maybe time-outs work for your child or maybe you haven’t figured out what works yet.
• Maybe you let your kid bike to school by themselves or maybe you’re determined to walk them to the door till they’re 18.
• Maybe you want to sign your kid up for every sport and activity possible.
• Maybe you’ve decided to opt-out of extra-curricular activities for now and do other things together as a family.

Maybe you’re a good parent regardless of where you fall on this list.

You love your child.  Even on days when you feel like you don’t, you’ll probably still look at the pictures and watch the videos you took of them at the end of the day and you’ll be grateful that you have them in your life.

Parenting is hard.  Let’s not add unnecessary guilt and expectation to our already sleep-deprived lives.  Let’s not allow fear and insecurity to drive our parenting strategy any longer.

Let’s be brave and have the courage to lead our families in a way that may look different than others.

If you’ve experienced the immense pressure that our culture can place on parents, I want you to take a deep breath.  You’re exactly the right parent for your child.