Leading Across: How to Positively Influence Coworkers

Part II in a 3-part series.  If you missed the first post, check it out here

Unless you’re a solo pastor in a small church, you have coworkers that you have absolutely no positional authority over (though you would really like to sometimes). Because you are not connected by a vertical line on your Org. chart, these relationships are easy to neglect. You each have your own job descriptions and as long as everyone does what their role requires, everything will be ok, right? The truth is that these relationships have a surprisingly large impact on our churches’ effectiveness.  All sorts of negative tendencies pop up when we don’t get these right:

• Silos form. Entire ministry areas become disconnected from each other and begin competing for resources such as money, volunteers, spaces, etc.
• Comparison creeps in and you begin to ask questions like, “Why is that staff person getting paid more than me? Why didn’t their budget get cut? Does anyone else feel like that person is getting more attention from the Lead Pastor?
• A “Golden Calf” mentality develops. Author Matt Wilks uses this term to describe the situation when people believe that their ministry area is more important than others

As a ministry leader, you can’t afford to neglect what your co-worker is focusing on. They may be the ones creating the ministry environments that those you lead will one day be a part of.  If you’re in children’s ministry, your co-worker may be the main influencer in the lives of the parents of those children. For the sake of those we lead, we need to learn to cultivate influence in these critical relationships.

Series recap

If you missed the first post in this series (go read it!), we’re discussing why it’s not enough to simply lead out of your official positions of authority. In order for you to add the most value possible to your organization, you need to have influence across all layers of leadership. What you can do with authority is limited, what you can accomplish with influence is immeasurable.

Authority gives you the power to change short-term outcomes; influence gives you the power to change culture.

Leading Across

We’ve already discussed how to influence those we lead. Let’s continue the conversation by learning how to influence those we lead alongside. Here are 3 principles I’ve learned over the years:

1. Build a friendship

People who like you are far more likely to listen to you.

Thanks to psychologist Robert Cialdini, this is now an undisputed principle of influence.  Our common sense confirms this, of course, as we all know that we are not about to imitate someone if we think they’re a jerk.

But we need to be careful with this principle. We can’t do this to be manipulative or simply persuade someone for self-serving purposes. Inauthenticity will never win anyone over.

But don’t ignore this principle either. If your church or organization is going to move forward, you need to have a voice in your co-worker’s leadership and they need to have a voice in yours. Building a friendship with them leads to trust and we are increasingly realizing that trust is the primary currency of both work and life.

One thing that I’ve observed is that building this trust is often connected to our willingness to be vulnerable with each other.  I’ve seen strained work relationships turn around simply because one person walked into another person’s office and asked them to pray for a challenge they’ve been facing recently. Don’t be afraid to show weakness and let your softer side out.  In other words, be human.

If you want to see a deeper sense of community form in the teams you lead, it needs to start on the teams you’re a part of.

So, learn to listen, find common ground, and make opportunities to connect outside of work.  You’ll be amazed at how the silo walls begin to fall around you.

Key Question: “Can I buy you a coffee?”

2. Help them win

Quite simply, when you see something in your co-worker’s ministry area that’s not working, you need to care about that. For instance, when they are frustrated and losing volunteers, instead of immediately trying to recruit those people to your ministry (you know you were thinking it), empathize with them and offer help.  If you’re honest, you may even have a few volunteers of your own that aren’t in their “sweet spot” and may do really well in another area.

Andy Stanley emphasizes the need for mutual submission in our organizations by suggesting that each person on the team needs to learn to genuinely say:

“I’m here to facilitate your success regardless of where our names are on the Org chart.”

For some, this may sound like a revolutionary new idea for the workplace. As church leaders though, we have to admit that it also sounds an awful lot like Jesus: “Anyone who wants to be first must be the very last, and the servant of all.”

When we help others win, we eliminate competition and communicate to the team that we value what they’re working on.

Key Question: “What have you been having a hard time with at work recently?”

3. Learn what they’re learning

How much you value something is directly connected to how much you understand it. If you don’t really know what your teammate is working on or why it matters, you’ll continue to believe that your ministry area is the most important one in the church.

One of the most effective ways that I’ve found to guard against this “golden calf mentality” is to intentionally expand your learning goals.

If you lead teens, read a book on leading children. If you’re a Children’s pastor, read a book geared towards Lead Pastors.  Wherever you are, develop yourself to be not only a specialist but also a generalist.  Be the most avid learner in the office and you will find that your co-workers begin to come to you seeking your input and perspective on the projects they’re working on. This is one of the surest sign that you have gained trust and influence in another person’s life.

Key Question: “What books or resources have had the most influence on your work recently?”