Imagine for a moment that the concept of marriage was a brand new idea and that you and I had been given the monumental task of brainstorming and implementing some form of ritual or rite of passage into this new chapter of a person’s life. Identifying the process of planning a wedding has never been tackled before now.

We have the power to craft something that will immediately become the standard for all couples in our culture.  So, we sit down over a nice cup of coffee to begin planning and one of us says:

“Here’s an idea: What if we started by coming up with a list of things we don’t want to see happen? Let’s create a scenario that includes all the things we wouldn’t wish upon a couple.”

Pulling out our yellow lined notepad, we begin to make a list.

A process that would be truly tiresome and unnecessarily difficult for a couple:

• Should produce high levels of stress. Even worse, the stress should be unequal, with considerably more pressure and responsibility on one person over the other.
• Should come at a high cost. So high, in fact, that couples will either go into debt, enter the tricky waters of receiving funds from family, or simply think twice about getting married and choose to postpone their relationship until the funds are available
• Should also create financial stress for their friends and family, with expectations of giving gifts, throwing parties, or even purchasing special attire for the big occasion
• Should include uncomfortable situations for the bride and groom.  The big day should have plenty of elements to elicit self-consciousness, like standing in front of all their friends and families for an extended period of time and being excessively photographed, as well as numerous public speaking opportunities.  Also consider adding a few awkward or embarrassing rituals forced upon them by their friends surrounding the big day, just for kicks.
• Should require the couple to learn the likely entirely new skill set of event planning in order to pull off well.  Since most young couples would not be accomplished event planners by this point, this should be as large an event as possible. Such a large event, in fact, that the preparation for it would become burdensome and all-consuming.
• Should primarily be about making everyone but the bride and groom comfortable. Details concerning the guest experience, such as venue, seating charts, and menu will need to be planned anywhere from 6-24 months in advance, while more important elements which will form the foundation of their commitments to each other, let’s call them vows, should be left until the week or two before to think through and write out.
  • Despite all this effort, there will be many who still see this occasion as mostly uninteresting, boring even, causing them to hope they are not invited to too many in any given year
• Should become an increasingly complex process as time goes on.  While new ideas and extra events can be somewhat easily added, they should quickly become the new norm and be very difficult to remove for future couples.  We can already envision people adding things like bridal showers, bachelor/bachelorette parties, rehearsal dinners, multiple receptions, expensive vacations, and elaborate fundraiser events.

Yikes!  This is quite a list! The mere thought of couples going through a process like this sends shivers down our spines

Just coming up with a list like this has made both of us decide to abandon the whole effort of coming up with a standardized rite of passage and rather encourage couples to craft their own unique celebration that encourages and instills hope for the future, while not creating additional stress.

To all those about to enter into this sacred relationship called marriage, be encouraged to chart your own course; to be unshackled by expectations and experience complete freedom and joy as you plan for your new life ahead.

Stepping back to reality for a moment, most would agree that there are ultimately 3 factors that need to be present in order to be Biblically, and legally, married:

Verbal lifelong commitments (vows)

Physical union (that’s a “blog-friendly” euphemism, by the way)

Official documentation, issued by the legal authorities of any given country (marriage license).

Everything else is optional